Heart Warrior
When family life doesn’t start the way you’d planned, fear takes hold. But this American father has found purpose, community, fun – and fame – chasing after his son on a path less travelled.
Who would’ve thought a selfie could see your family catapulted to stardom? Not Robert Selby. But in 2017, after posing with his toddler, Chace, in their bathroom mirror, Robert’s snap captured worldwide attention. Why? Well, aside from being smile-crackingly cute, the selfie shares a unique show of solidarity from father to son.
Both Robert and Chace are featured bare chested, brandishing gastrostomy (G) tube buttons. But unlike Chace’s feeding tube which, along with a scattering of scars across his torso, has been with him since he was a newborn, Robert’s is only the top of a low-profile button, super-glued to his stomach.
“I just wanted to be one of Chace’s biggest supporters – and show him that he’s more powerful than he actually thinks,” says Robert, when asked why he risked his own skin to stage this particular shot (just a dab of superglue, he assures, does the trick without any lasting damage).
“I wanted to show him that just because he has a feeding tube and scars, it doesn’t stop him from being a normal kid.”
After taking this photo, Robert posted it to Instagram and tagged Frobabies, an account that celebrates Black children and families. Overnight, Robert received a flood of messages.
“It just spread like wildfire,’ he says. ‘Not a day went by when I didn’t have interview requests in my DMs. Fox News reached out and then they came to our crib and had us on one of their segments – and it just kept going and going and going.”
Emerging from the media storm, the duo were offered the opportunity to star in Apple TV’s 2019 documentary Dads alongside Will Smith, Jimmy Fallon and Ron Howard. And despite sharing the cast credits with these and other Hollywood heavyweights, Robert and Chace are, quite literally, the poster stars of this film.
“When we’re out and about, sometimes people see us and they’re like, ‘Oh my gosh, I saw you in this documentary!’” says Robert. “I can’t believe it.”
In 2021 Chace lit up screens again, sharing his love for Robert in a segment celebrating Black fathers on the Oprah Winfrey Network. And now seven years on from that bathroom selfie, 10-year-old Chace is still rocking a G-tube and still advocating for his community. As is his dad.
“We do whatever we can to shine more light on tube-feeding and Chace’s heart condition,” says Robert. “We’ve got an opportunity to bring a bit more awareness to these things and I want to give families a kind of calmness – a security blanket – you know? Something to look forward to.”
It was only after Chace was born, in October 2013, that his parents learned he has a rare heart condition called tetralogy of Fallot (TOF).
“We were about to leave the hospital when the doctors said that they could hear Chace had a strong heart murmur. They said this was normal – ‘most kids have it, so don’t worry about it’ – but when they ran some more tests, it was more severe than they thought. And it just went downhill from there,” says Robert.
At just a couple of weeks old, when Chace had the first of two open-heart surgeries, he took his time to recover. “Sometimes kids can be stubborn, you know?” Robert smiles. “The reason he got a feeding tube was because he was on a nasogastric (NG) tube and IV drip for months. He never developed that motor skill to actually work for a bottle. Plus, he was on the smaller side.”
The hospital Chace was in would only let him go home with a G-tube, not an NG tube. But Chace’s mother, Chantay, wasn’t keen on the idea of her baby being cut open again.
“She was not having it at all,” says Robert. “But our insurance company had decided he’d been in hospital long enough, so time was against us at this point. I said to Chantay, what is the thing that we actually want most? And she said, ‘I want my baby to come home with us’. So I said, well, this is the best way for him to come home sooner than later.”
The new parents brought their son back to Woodbridge, Virginia, where Chace would begin life tube-feeding three times a day. Before they left the hospital, Robert and Chantay were shown how to replace Chace’s G-tube. However, when it accidentally fell out while Robert was on parenting duty, “all that training went out the window”.
“I couldn’t think of the first thing to do besides pick him up, grab his little feeding tube and drive to the nearest hospital,” says Robert. “I’m calling his mum while driving with him in my arms and the seat belt wrapped around us, and all I remembered is, if it pops out, you’ve got like 10 to 15 minutes before it fully closes up.
“When I got to the hospital, Chantay called me back and was like, ‘you know you could have put this back in yourself’, but it was just like how they teach you that when you catch on fire, stop, drop and roll. When that actually happens, you’re panicking, you’re not even thinking about that. So the very first time Chace’s button popped out, I freaked out!”
Chace’s second tube replacement happened in a calm, scheduled manner under the guidance of a nurse and, nowadays, Robert has no trouble helping Chace change his button. Along with much of their day-to-day shenanigans, he’s even shared this process in their vlog series on YouTube, The Life of Chace Elijah.
“My son is like a little puppy,” Robert laughs. “As soon as he hears my keys, he meets me at a door saying, "‘Dad! Let’s go, let’s go!’.”
Dad’s downtime only happens when he sticks a ‘do not disturb’ sign on his bedroom door.
“As a parent, you’re always on the clock,” says Robert. “There’s no time out. And I understand you’ve gotta work, you’ve got your family, your friends… it’s just a wave of things. But you’ve gotta re-energise. When I take an hour for myself, sometimes, I’m just in my room, laying on my bed, looking at the ceiling. And then I’m like, okay, now I’m ready. Let’s go!”
When he’s not with Chace, Robert works as a federal government security officer. Chantay also works in security, so the two tag-team between shifts and, although they’re no longer together, continue to co-parent under the same roof.
“When we tell people that, they’re like, how does it work? And we always say that we are adults, you know, it can work,” says Robert. “Everybody has their own room and we all come together. We laugh, we joke, we cry, we talk about anything and everything. All Chace knows is love.”
These days Chace only has one tube feed through the night – and while the plan is for him to graduate off his G-tube, he’s in no rush. Neither is Robert, who sees Chace’s tube the same way he does his belly button. Chace still finds tube-feeding helpful for putting on weight which, as his dad describes, is an “uphill battle”. However, Robert has chosen to look at his child, not the scales, when tracking Chace’s progress.
“I don’t care if he doesn’t gain another ounce, so long as he’s healthy and his heart is strong,” says Robert. “Chace is like a magnet. When he gets into a room, everybody circles around him. He’s a ball of energy – and I love it.”
Chace is now an ambassador for the American Heart Association and, at a recent Heart Walk fundraiser, took on the role of TV presenter while interviewing participants and their pets. “He’ll tell you that he’s shy,” says Robert. “But when people talk to him – and when the camera is on him – that’s when he shines his brightest.”
Robert, too, is working hard to raise awareness around family life with medical challenges. Fathers in particular, he points out, need more acknowledgement in this space. “Even though society says a man should never be emotional and cry, I had emotional breakdowns. I had to see a therapist,” he says.
“I’ve also surrounded myself with like- minded and positive people, because I’m not a downer. I don’t like to get stressed out or always be mad. It’s not a healthy way of life. And my son keeps me full of energy and on my toes.”
To parents new to tube-feeding their kids, Robert says not to think of it as the end. “This is only the beginning of what your child could be and the potential they could have. And don’t get too down on yourself. You can get that way – and I understand why – but we are part of a community and we can all help each other. We’re here to help pull you up. Just take it one day at a time and it’ll be okay.”